Heavenly Father, I never imagined 5 years ago that my life will be so meaningful and colorful with you. It was a roller coaster ride of emotions. But it all led me to trust you and be amazed at your love, even more!
It’s been a while since I last posted about Him. I failed the One who loved me selflessly. Big time. That was the worst thing I’ve ever done.
A lot of times I asked myself if my love was ever enough because of what went wrong. (It took me months to forgive myself!!). I was so devastated that I didn’t think that He still had a wonderful plan for my life.
He must be mad at me and disgusted because I intentionally hurt Him again. I couldn’t even cry, nor say a word because of mixed emotions.
Hiding From the love of God
How could I hurt someone who’s been there with me through ups and down? How could these feelings of shame be so heavy? But, my prideful and stubborn heart led me to hide from Him because I never consider myself as “qualified” anymore.
“He is mad at me. He will never love me because I hurt him. I don’t deserve to be forgiven.” —that was my mindset before. That was what I THOUGHT some people wanted me to realize.
I was too hard on myself. I kept on punishing myself for an incident I can never undo. For me, I was a hopeless case.
He doesn’t give up on us
But the “only hope” I was trying to give up on, won’t give up on me. He never gets tired wiping my tears during my sleepless nights.
His grace found me again, slowly but surely, He healed me. I was redeemed by His words day by day. It was refreshing to think that there’s no past too dirty for God to restore.
From the beginning He knew I will fail Him. But still He chose me to be His vessel and to be a living proof that the gospel of Jesus Christ isn’t worthless.
Celebrating an intimate relationship
And today, as I celebrate 5 years of intimate relationship with the Lord, I am proud to say that I live for Him because He died for me. I serve a God who graciously saved my spirit, a God of unlimited chances and a God who never gets tired seeing potential in me. He is my safest place.
I now understand what makes the love of God amazing and unconditional. It’s even though I am undeserving, He would still search for me and win my heart over and over again.
It’s when some people already gave up on me, there’s a God who will never, ever let go of me! A God who will say straight to my face, “My child, I love you. And no sin that you will confess to Me could ever make Me love you less. I‘m here for you. I will never leave you nor forsake you. Just come back to Me.”
And now it’s your turn
As for you, it is not too late to start again! Your failure doesn’t define your future. Your story isn’t over yet.
Put the past behind. It is finished. Jesus has overcome it all for you (it takes a lot of faith to believe that)…
Stop hurting yourself. Stop punishing yourself. I BELIEVE IF GOD CAN USE A WORST SINNER LIKE ME, HE CAN ALSO USE YOU. GOD NEVER WASTES A HURT. JUST COME BACK TO HIM. HE HAS BEEN WAITING FOR YOU.
“The Lord isn’t slow about his promise, as some people think. Instead He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to repent.” 2 Peter:3:9
You are forgiven. Go and sin no more.