I have been thinking deeply of something I want to share with all of you. I don’t know if you will call this a testimony but it’s a change within me, a stronger and more positive me.
During my recent holidays, there were long hours spent in the airport lounges and the train rides. Even at my sister’s and brother’s place, I woke up early ( since I’m used to a few hours of sleep) whilst they were in bed till late morning. At these times, I pondered over my life and all that has come by. I Praise and Thank the Lord for His blessings and providence. I’m not in lack of anything.
I always had a void feeling deep within me. Afraid to speak up and never confident of all that I have become. I am a little quiet by nature yet, friends and family found me even more quieter than ever before. There was a deep loneliness and lost feeling that nothing could fill, though in my life, I have everything.
During these times, I often prayed for the Lord to show me a way to get over this void and emptiness. In those long hours waiting in flights, trains and with family, I truly prayed in my heart that I must find something to do more than my work and family. I must change to stand tall over the negative impact from people. I must change to free my children to start their livelihood. I can’t hold on to them, nor family nor a friend. I must realize that friends come and friends go. There’s nothing I can do extra to keep them if they don’t want to be friends anymore.
I must stand alone and only rely on the Lord.
I realize that things have changed the way I think and the way I handle things, ever since I came back. My children have to go and I’m preparing a way and praying to the Lord daily. A true friend could ignore me or leave me, I won’t feel a hurt unless I have contributed to it. Anyone here could pick a fight or call me names or even call me evil. There’s nothing that would break my stand in caring and sharing in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Most significantly, I keep thinking of ways I could serve in another country in evangelism. Marriage or companionship seems to be not in the list fortunately and there’s a spark in my mind. Through it all, I only want the Lord’s will done and to trod in His path. The Lord’s hand will hold and lead me. AMEN!